Incredibly Rich Professionals Get Married and Insist on Letting Us Know

Enjoy your ceremony, but keep it out of the Times, please.

Alright, we're all used to the annoying profiles of rich people getting married and bragging about it in the New York Times. But here's one that I'm having some trouble stomaching, as it is just so irrelevant to normal people -- even to normal rich people! It's like the universality of this situation has gone completely down the drain by the sheer pervasion of wealth, fancy job titles, and name-dropping of classy Manhattan bars and restaurants. Hope you'll see what I mean in the case of Thursday's profiled wedding.

The bride, Mina Guiahi, is a portfolio manager at Millenium Management (she's since moved on to other high-profile companies). Her parents, described as "wordly and secular college professors," are members of the Iranian elite, having moved to Huntington (Long Island) right after the start of the 1979 revolution, living in Paris briefly before emigrating. The groom, Jesse Levinson, is a Jewish/Catholic-raised adviser for the State Dept. in Washington on Palestinian economic affairs (he's no slouch, either).

Their story? They met at a swanky Seattle wedding. They both lived on the Upper East Side and started training together (running) in Central Park. They broke up. Two years later, they met again at Underbar in the W Hotel in Union Square (um, seriously, do we have to know that?), and had a great kiss. They ran into a guy struggling with a flat tire and Ms. Guiahi gave him a few hundred dollars (?!?!) to get him going again. Rrrright.

"And then he [meaning Mr. Levinson] was gone," the article dramatically puts it. "While other couples nuzzled at the NoHo hotspot Bond Street," Mr. Levinson informed Ms. Guiahi of his decision to take a year-long post in Iraq, causing the couple to be heart-wrenchingly separated. Especially since might never come back from war...... OH WAIT! He was working with an elite government institution!!! (And seriously, the "NoHo hotspot Bond Street"?! What is this, Sex and the City? Can't you stop name-dropping for a New York minute?).

Still, at least Mr. Levinson might have been in actual danger. You know what Ms. Guiahi's big "risk" was at this juncture in life? "Co-managing her first portfolio at Diamondback Advisors as the financial markets crashed." Boo Fucking Hoo!!! Something tells me you'd be A-OK even if you lost your fancy financial job.

I only clicked on this article so I could read about how a couple stays together when one partner goes off to Iraq and the other cannot see him/her for a whole year (because that's what the headline intimated). But this is quite another scenario. Not only did the bride and groom indeed see each other over this year of cross-global suffering, but they took romantic rendezvous (plural) in places like Paris and Istanbul. If this weren't enough to bear, we have to read about their their cutesy ways of adapting to each other and their lavish, culturally-diverse wedding ceremony at (wait for it) THE HARVARD CLUB!!!

Are you fucking serious, New York Times? Why must you unceasingly endorse self-indulgent stories of the Elite that nobody, except for their friends, can relate to?? Stories about rich people are fun, but only when they involve crazy pictures or drug scandals (and anyway, that's why we read Perez Hilton and US Weekly, not the Times). This BS should never have made it past the couple's wedding slideshow or toasts, let alone to my computer screen.